Even though sometimes you dont want it to.



Me and Hayley broke up today. Well, I should say she broke up with me. The story of she doesnt love me any more and so on. The thing is, Im still deeply in love with her and care about her more than anything still. Guess it will heal with time, but when you devote yourself to a person for 2 years, its a pretty big adjustment at first, especially when your whole life changed just before you met them so everything you have done/been since has been influenced by them.


I know crying to DA wont help in the long run, but I feel that there are things that I need to say regardless of whether anyone will listen.


Everywhere I look in my room, I see things either from her or that remind me of her. All of the photos on my facebook have her in them, so I havnt brought myself to change the photo just yet. She was the first person that I really ever managed to tell absolutely everything to and vice versa. We both acknowledged that we know too much about each other and have been too big a part in each others lives at major points to just walk away for good. So maybe in a few weeks we will get together and talk about random things.


Even now, there are things that I have told her that I will never say to anyone else and only two people will ever know about them, me and her. She was the only person to actually stick by me throughout last year and I could never thank her enough for it. We've had some incredibly great times together and I will never forget them or her. Yes there were shit times, but the good times always made up for them and made it worth getting through the shit times. Looking back, we were both extremely lucky that we hit it off as well as we did given that we didn't know each other at all before we started dating. I guess you could say it was love at first sight, just that love faded for one of the two.


Im going to miss the little things the most I think. The text message at night just to say goodnight and i love you. Having someone to tell about whatever I did during the day. Having someone to say, 'have a good day' to. And I guess, having someone to be happy for when something good happened to them and knowing that someone is there for you no matter what. And most of all, having that person be there who you love unconditionally and you know they love you back, whose arms are the safest place in the world and who you know will always make you feel better. Just having someone to care about and to think about and to talk to about anything.


Im also really going to miss sending her random texts throughout the day about whatever just happened to me or what Im thinking. And most of all, her smile. Nothing could cheer me up like her amazing smile. It made me feel like all was good in the world and that nothing could go wrong.


My god, I miss her so much